Hi gang, sorry I haven't posted anything in a while, I've been shagging birds and getting drunk......
Only kidding, I've mostly been working and putting the bins out. But anyway, Tan is still pregnant, we just had our 20 week scan and the little scamp was going nuts, the midwife had to ask her to sit still, so she could check the baby.
Oh yeah, that's the tone set. That's just how funny this shit is gonna get.
Anyway, Tan was suitably full of water and in desperate need of a wee by the time we got in to be seen (I know this, because it was all we talked about for 30 minutes, while we waited to go in), so suffice to say she really loved the burly old girl prodding around her bladder with the magic stick (not something I've done all that much of lately)
We saw the little guys face on the screen and it was frowning and picking its nose, so at least i know it's mine. Scarlett came with us and she thought the whole thing was incredible, i decided against downloading an app to show what happens in labour, as she finds a popping balloon frightening enough.
The baby is really kicking now. Tan has taken to waking me in the early hours of the morning to show me. I can NEVER feel it, but i mumble and nod with a tired smile on my face, just so she'll let me get the fuck back to sleep.
Tan has quite a belly on her now as you might expect, I've seen more of her chuff than she has recently. She proof reads these blogs before i post them, so I'm going to use this opportunity to tell her, YOU NEED A TRIM LOVE, it's like kissing Chewbacca down there.
Sex is still good though, for me it is i mean, she's only ever done it, so i wash up or do the hoovering. Missionary is off the menu mind, it feels like I'm humping a gym ball. I've also got my finish time down too, so everyone wins.
Seriously though, she still looks amazing, she has a lovely neat bump, like she's smuggling a spare Gregg Wallace head in to Masterchef HQ and because she's little (I have a 5 foot and below height policy) it looks relatively massive. It suits her.
In the last few weeks we've been buying loads of baby stuff. Moses basket, some other random junk and a pushchair. I like buying the pushchair, it's the man thing. I checked the suspension, power to weight ratio, wheel diameter, that sort of thing........ IT COST £350, for a used one. Fucking ridiculous. Do you have any idea how many copies of Razzle i could buy with that sort of money? A bloody carrier bag full. They say the best things in life are free. This does apply to blow jobs, it does not apply to babies. Although they are alike, in as much as i seem to be getting about one every four years.
So, I'm 33, I have a 4 year old daughter and a wife with a bun in the oven. Would i do anything differently?For all the yapping in my ear? For the constant Dad this, Dad that? The relentless role playing? (not the good kind)
Maybe....
NO, I MEAN NO. I love my family, unconditionally and they all make me much less of a cock, which is no mean feat.
Thanks dudes. Later
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